The Achiever

You're good at things, and you know it, and somehow that doesn't help as much as it should.

The pattern isn't ambition. Wanting to do well is fine. The pattern is what happens to how you feel about yourself when you don't — when you rest, when you're average at something, when you try and it doesn't work.

If doing well is what tells you you're okay, then you can never fully stop. There's always another thing to be okay about.

You might notice you're tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. Or that praise feels good for about an hour. Or that when someone asks how you are, you answer with what you've been doing.

You were okay before any of it. That's hard to feel, and it's true.

Strength and cost:

The strength: you follow through, and you can do hard things other people quit.

The cost: your worth gets attached to your output, and output is never finished.

The practice:

Once this week, do something ordinary or enjoyable without turning it into a measure of how well you performed. Let it be unfinished, imperfect, or simply for you.

Notice what feels uncomfortable about that, without grading your response.

One sentence to try out:

"I don't have to earn this."

One more thing, if you want it.

Whoever sent you this is probably wondering whether you took it, and may be trying hard not to ask.

You don't owe them anything. But if you want to have open communication, you could send them something like:

"I took the quiz and it was interesting." and then you decide what you want to share with them.

That's enough. It tells them you're okay and closes the question, without giving away anything that's yours.